Posted by: lolalately | July 24, 2012

Suspicious Minds

Someone once told me; “if it walks like a duck, and it sqwalks like a duck … it’s a duck”!

I learned the truth about someone today. The husband of someone I know and respect recently initiated divorce proceedings. He claimed there was no one else. He lied. In fact there was and is someone else, someone his soon-to-be-ex knows well … a co-worker in fact.

Why do people do that? Why cheat? Why lie about it? There’s no crime in telling someone that you no longer love them, that you want to end the relationship. It’s easier to divorce in this country than it is to get married. So why all the game playing?

As for the two former friends … is there no level of indecency people will not stoop below? To deliberately go after or succumb to the advances of the husband of a friend and co-worker seems to me the lowest of lows. Positively Maury Povitch-worthy! But it happens … a lot it seems. Or maybe I’m just hyper-aware of it.

I’m an airline pilots’ wife. This industry is rife with cheating spouses, on both sides of the cockpit. Not a month goes by that I don’t hear some tale of misdeeds and misplaced trust. And yes, every story causes me to worry and wonder if and when I’ll be next. It make me try even harder to live in the moment, to focus on what I have now, not what or when I might lose it all. But I admit it’s a challenge.

Last week another fellow pilots’ wife discovered her husband of 22 years has been embroiled in an affair for more than 2 years. He told her he’s in love. That the woman he’s involved with is his “soulmate” and he wants to grow old with her. Funny, his wife thought they were growing old together. Twenty-two years is a pretty long marriage. But apparently 22 years means nothing when you suddenly find your “soulmate” … who happens to be younger than most of your children.

And what about those children? How do you explain to your kids that you no longer love their mother? How do you introduce them to your new lady love and not have them hate her for ripping apart their world? That wouldn’t be an issue in my case, because we have no children together. But I’ve been in my stepchildren’s lives for 10 years now. I suppose that’s long enough that they’d wonder if their father suddenly dumped me for a new flavor of the month.

But people do that. People walk away from marriages all the time without so much as a backward glance. Just ask my friend whose former friend is now bedding her husband. There’s a part of me that would like to grab these two by the shoulders and shake them as I ask them just what they hell they were thinking. But it wouldn’t change anything.

Instead, after my husband told me that they’re both on his current trip, I sent my husband a text telling him to have a safe flight, reminding him that I love him, and asking him this;

Please don’t hurt & disrespect me the way A has D. If you find someone else, just have the compassion & decency to tell me to my face & set me free. Don’t shit on my heart & destroy me for sport. The truth may hurt for awhile, but a lie hurts forever.”  And I meant every single word.

There is no truth that hurts as much as a lie. When and if you want out of a relationship, be mature and respectful enough to be honest about it. Don’t play games. Don’t screw with someone’s heart and soul. Love isn’t a game, leaving isn’t a sport. Don’t make it one.

Lola

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Responses

  1. So, so, so true! I heard that phrase on Judge Judy and it has stuck with me. When you shine a light on something and look at it from a perspective of “does this make sense” then you can unravel lies. I would love to know why people lie and cheat. It makes no sense to me, either.

    What you said here is very deep and incredibly true: “There is no truth that hurts as much as a lie.” Yep.

  2. I doubt their relationship will work out. He will never be able to trust her because she knowingly became involved with him while he was married. She will probably never trust him because he cheated on his wife. . .

    My dad had an affair with my mothers best friend. My mother left him. It has been 30 years, and I still don’t think she is over the betrayal from my father and her friend.

    Cheating sucks and is wrong. If you are not happy, get a divorce. . .

  3. I agree with you. Sometimes you have to realize that you make a mistake and start over… Acceptance made me free.

  4. I know from experience that if someone will cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you. In my twenties I stupidly got involved with a married guy. I knew it was wrong, but the excitement kept me in the relationship. Till I realized he was also seeing another woman. I felt like hell for years because of that relationship, but I learned a lot about myself. This couple you write about, they won’t last. But for as long as they do, she’ll always be watching for signs that he’s cheating. Such a waste of a life.


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